Or my Tuesdays or my Thursdays. I barely make it to class on Tuesday mornings now because of this damn intramural game that you have to participate in.
I try to rationalize it and tell myself that I wouldn't enjoy you telling me not to do optima simply because its at the wrong time. But then, it never takes more than an hour and its never half as late as yours.
I want to talk to you before I go to bed. We both have busy schedules but part of being tucked in is having that time at the end of the day where we come together and just be nice and then wind down for bed. Of course usually it's just me going to bed, but still, I want that and need that.
I need you there at the end of the day. When I go to bed without saying goodnight to you I'm trying to send you a big message. You fucked up and I don't even want to deal with you. Your goodnight is worthless to me at that point. And I'm really pissed off at you.
When I don't tell you I love you, it means you don't deserve to hear it. And today you did not deserve it. Half the reason I'm writing this letter is because I can't sleep. I just keep tossing and turning. You were supposed to help me with my story not make me more stressed about it. I can't sleep stressed.
My god. Half the time I'm like what the hell was he thinking when he did that?
I don't get it.
You know what I hate, why do you have to do it so frequently anyways. Why did two necessary practices turn into three? And one intramural game per week second semester turn into both semesters and beach volleyball when you felt like it?
Why didn't I know about any of this until it already got planned and was about to happen? It's your job to tell me everything. AS you're planning it. Not once its done. It's also your job to decide what is too much for me. What you're going to let go because as far away as I am, I am affected by your life and decisions. Is heightened by the time difference.
I don't know what to do so that you understand that you can't just do whatever you want to do whenever you want. It's immature to think that you're just in your life by yourself. You're more than two years into a relationship. Stop clinging to your liberty as though it was your virginity. It's not something you have to defend from me.
I just don't get how you don't understand all that yet. Or maybe you do, you just refuse to change.
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